bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry about my life...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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