Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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