Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
