she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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