using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
