i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
is that a dick in a sweater?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
