While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
