I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
