Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
