Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
