Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
