I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize