North Korea, Best Korea!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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