Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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