literally had 100 drinks last night.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
