Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
