I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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