Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
