Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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