I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
