My room smells like vodka and shame
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
