There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
false alarm, still single
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
