Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
