If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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