did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Text me some of your sweat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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