I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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