my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
