Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
