I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
