Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
