He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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