hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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