We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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