Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
