I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
