he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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