So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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