Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My balls are so social today.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
