i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize