I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
