do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
