i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
