FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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