What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
