I'm so fucking centered right now
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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