Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
