apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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