Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
