he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
