It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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