Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
