he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your penis caused this!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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