I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
