Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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