You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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