; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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