last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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