the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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