He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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