PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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