the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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