Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
