You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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