I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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