LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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