Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
