You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
