Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
