Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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