Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
