you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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