I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
