if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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