Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
