Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
