OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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