I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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