i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize