Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
