there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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