I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
