Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
