he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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