Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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