I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
