Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
