I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
