you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
