I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
