I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
