Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
