where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
