my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
