I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
