ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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