I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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