We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
