It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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