Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
