She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wish my penis had a tongue
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
