is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
