You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
