my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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