If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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