He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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