Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize