this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
