I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
