between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize