Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
